5 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship


5 Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

Many good people find themselves in toxic relationships. What started out as a loving, fun and exciting experience one day ends up being cold, distant and terrifying. How does someone wake up one day and find themselves in an abusive relationship? It’s simple, they totally missed some of the tell-tell signs that their relationship was headed down the path of abusive.

Are you or do you know someone who is stuck in an abusive relationship?

Before discussing the red flags of abusive relationships it’s important to clear up some misconceptions. Number one, abusive relationships don’t necessarily have to be physical. Abuse comes in many forms and it can cause tremendous damage, regardless of whether it’s with a fist, act or words. Secondly, there are many men who find themselves in this terrible situation, but they rarely like to admit it. The worst part for anybody who can relate to these kinds of relationships is recognizing the abuse, not to mention moving away from it. Let these 5 signs of an abusive relationship be your warning and hopefully your motivation to seek help as quickly as possible.

No. 1: Obsessive and Persistent

If your partner comes on very strongly then it’s a good sign to stay alert. Generally people with a low self-esteem will push you to make commitments you aren’t ready to make. More specifically, they will force you into commitments. They will do anything to get you to agree and they don’t care whether you do it willingly or not. For example, your partner suggests getting married right away. They don’t want anybody around and they want it to happen tomorrow. But you don’t feel the same, so you make a suggestion to wait. If your partner becomes mad, insulting or depressed then it’s something to worry about. Needless to say, a solid conclusion can’t be made from one example, but you’ll know how often it happens and it’s up to you to recognize when it does.

No. 2: Controlling

This is one of the most typical signals that indicate an abusive relationship and it shouldn’t be hard to spot. Does your partner always make the last decision? In fact, are you allowed to make any decisions by yourself? A controlling partner lays down the law in terms of how things are going to happen. You have to be home at 5 every day. You have to get up at 6. You have to eat what they serve or buy. You have to agree with their opinions otherwise they lose control. They have to win an argument. Does this sound familiar?

No. 3: Blame Shifting

An abusive partner knows exactly how to play the game of blame shifting. If they do something wrong or something bad happens to them it’s either your fault or somebody else’s. They never take responsibility for their actions and they have no problem punishing an innocent party to prove they are right. You will also notice that they hardly ever apologize for anything. They might warm up to you after a fight or argument, but they’ll do it in such a way that you should appreciate their forgiveness.

No. 4: Isolation

It’s probably one of the most dangerous kinds of abuse a person can undergo, because your partner finds ways to completely shut you off socially. Don’t expect this to happen off the bat though. It’s going start gradually with your friends and co-workers until you eventually cut yourself off from family as well. When you go out of the house they want to know where you are going, who will be with you and when are you coming back. For your abusive partner everybody you know is a potential threat to the relationship.

No. 5: Verbal Attacks

Last but not least, verbal attacks from one partner to another is a very common starting point for more excessive abuse. Once again, it will start relatively slow with sarcasm. However, it usual turns into very insulting phrases, names and references that make you feel like garbage. Just like with everything else mentioned above, it’s going to get worse as time goes on.

Don’t let any of these warning signals become part of your relationship, because the longer you wait the harder it’s going to be to get away. There is also no telling when the abuse is going to turn physical and ultimately becomes a life or death situation. Let these signs be a warning and your motivation.


7 thoughts on “5 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

  1. This is a really good post, not only for the summaries but also because it provides a quick checklist for friends and family members to gauge a relationship.

    On another note, do you think that “gaslighting” could fit into your model?

    1. Excellent question, Chris. Thanks for pointing that out. Gaslighting most definitely fits into this model and is a serious form of mental abuse. It’s a little bit harder to detect since the abuser is essentially playing mind games by either twisting or withholding information so a person may not even know that this is even happening right off the bat. However, I will tackle this subject in a later post. Appreciate your comment!

    1. Sorry you went through this. Sounds like you were brave enough to find a way out. That’s something to be proud of. Thank you so much for your comment lolette

  2. This is another terrific eye-opening post and with wonderful points to see if there could be any of these scenario’s a person could be in, or a loved one or friend involved. Thank you for this brief list to get people thinking and hopefully looking for help if needed. Carrie, A Mother’s Shadow

    1. Absolutely Carrie! It’s so important not to ignore these red flags during the initial phase of a relationship. It’s much easier to leave when there’s no emotional/physical connection…except for those who move pretty quickly when in a relationship.

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